A Status Update on the T.M.I. Pandemic
If spewing your innermost secrets to someone, like an untreated case of word vomit, seems like the most sensible thing to do (whether it be a best friend, family member, or complete stranger) - then yes, I’m talking about you.
Talk Normal to Me
It’s summertime, and like most - I’m feelin’ fine. We’ve looked forward to the annual BBQ since leaving the last. It’s only been 20 minutes since I arrived, but I feel as if I’ve aged 20 years. Why? How? …. And then it hits me like a ton of bricks. A new guest has been added to the invite list - the plus one that haunts your nightmares has been personified.
She led with all of the normal pleasantries and social cues, and in no less than 5 minutes, she presented me with a self-diagnosed medical wrap sheet and their potential treatment methods (as if I were a member of a medical review board). The conversation then pivots into an in-depth saga about having PTSD from her twice-removed cousin Bud; after ‘that time’, he touched her ankle on Christmas at age 13. It’s givinggg pervy vibes. *Eye Roll*
At this point, you either know exactly who I’m talking about or think I’ve lost my mind from talking to Kylie for a little too long.
We all have our own approach when meeting new people and deem different things appropriate (topics of conversation, emotions we feel comfortable sharing, etc.). Extroverted individuals are likely to be more bubbly and open, whereas introverted individuals may lean towards being reserved until getting to know someone better.
There is no wrong approach - but certain approaches are 100% money-back guaranteed to make someone put you on their blocked list after the first conversation (if you even make it to a formal goodbye). Our new BBQ attendee will attest to all she holds dear - this sentiment holds true, even if she can’t diagnose why she gets ghosted so frequently.
PS: Kylie - you have hypochondria, girly.
Magic Eraser
In the dawn of social media, users posted the occasional photo album with friends and family or status updates about a new job or relocating. Fast forward to today - where curating and posting content on platforms has not only become a means of expression for many but also a way of life. Literally. What was once a far-fetched concept, became a reality - social media influencers and managers took to the workforce and created a virtual reality that many strive to achieve IRL. With the aid of professional photoshoots, makeup/hair/nail artists, clothing sponsorships, and more, a warped sense of truth began to flourish.
The vast majority of feeds began to flood with perfect meals, luxury vacations, and product placements. But how could influencers stand out when they all went from being equally normal to equally fabulous? By being “transparent” about being slightly less perfect than they appear to be, DUH!
When she pushes full-send to let her followers know about having an update to a breast augmentation, stopping a keto regimen due to issues with infrequent bowel movements, or experiencing self-induced issues in her toxic romantic life, etc. - her online tribe clings on harder than ever; as if it were directly correlated with or affecting them. Smashing the like button, sending donations “to support the cause," and endlessly commenting about her bravery; (eluding to the fact she’s conquered a great feat, while her friends and family hide in their snuggies - hoping to go unnoticed).
While I am obviously hanging on bated breath to know how many cc’s Sara has added alongside everyone else…. Okay, you got me. I’d really just like the tea on when her boss cheats with his secretary. (The internet may live forever - but I won’t.)
Casper, the Overly Friendly Ghost
I won’t live forever, but the train leaves the station at half past as well. All my friends know this. Tardiness is not a virtue I deem acceptable. Where in the world are you, Carmen San Diego?
Upon making a stealthy entrance, like any good spy with a mission in sight and the mind to conquer it - you start unboxing your latest life’s story for me to digest before the first course arrives. I’ve come to realize it was not youth that made me crass but a lack of social graces and etiquette. You haven’t queried about my happenings and now want advice on what to do about your Nana's funeral. I didn’t even know you still had a nana. (Truly, My deepest sympathies!)
Friends are support systems, not dumpsters for your trauma. If you need to work through things - seek professional help. Don’t lay them in the lap of those you love.
Full Disclosure
While “full transparency” has become a hot trend and buzz term - It’s almost as if….being authentic or genuine wasn’t a “hip thing” to do until about 5 years ago. Whether it be in the workplace or online, people have taken hold of this latest craze and run with it (a little too far sometimes).
But hey, at least they are being honest….Right?
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