Unlocking the Secrets of Manipulation
Have you ever felt like you were going a little crazy? Things were “off” but you couldn’t quite put your finger on it? You remember leaving your keys on the counter, but your partner insists you’re imagining things when you can’t find them there. Or you recall having a conversation about whose turn it was to do the dishes, but the other person denies that talk ever happened. If these types of mind-boggling events are frequently happening to you, it’s time to raise the ‘Red Flag’.
Deconstructing the Mind Games
Gaslighting is like a game of Where’s Waldo, except Waldo is your sanity and he’s wearing a disguise made entirely of lies. In reality, gaslighting is a form of psychological abuse where a person makes someone question their perception of reality, memories, or judgment through manipulation tactics. Their ambiguous nature makes them all the more frustrating.
Some common signs of gaslighting include:
- Constantly questioning your memory recall or perception of events
- Denying or dismissing your feelings and emotions
- Blaming you for their abusive behavior
- Creating confusion and uncertainty by contradicting themselves
- Isolating you from friends and family
Understanding the Conartist
Whether it’s a need for control, a desire for superiority, or deep-rooted insecurity, gaslighters manipulate to maintain power and dominance over their prey. Gaslighters don’t just think they’re better than everyone else; they believe everyone else should think so too. With an ego the size of Mt.Everest and empathy levels hovering somewhere around absolute zero, gaslighters justify their behavior by painting themselves as the victims and their targets as the villains. It’s like playing poker with your emotions, where one rule stands — only trust yourself.
**Trigger Warning** — Hot Take Incoming
We’ve all encountered “that one couple” in a tragically toxic relationship who split up every other week only to rekindle their relationship as if nothing happened. Gaslighting, like a romance stuck on repeat, follows a circular pattern. A gaslighter initially showers their victim with affection, only to gradually erode their self-worth and confidence over time. It’s like a rollercoaster ride from heaven to hell and back again, with the gaslighter pulling the emotional strings like a deranged puppeteer.
Some common tactics used by gaslighters include:
- Withholding information or selectively sharing information
- Twisting the truth and distorting facts
- Discrediting and belittling the victim’s achievements
- Using phrases like: ‘You’re overreacting’ or ‘You’re too sensitive’
- Shifting blame and deflecting responsibility
- Creating a sense of fear and self-doubt
In these situations, awareness is vital to self-preservation. Identifying these tactics will help you find ways to set boundaries with a gaslighter, cope with the feelings inflicted, and get support as you transition to a road of healing.
Self-help is Survival of the Fittest
Healing is a journey, and certainly not a linear one. Recovering from the effects of gaslighting can take time. It is critical to surround yourself with people who believe and validate your experiences — and please remember, you are not alone.
Here are some ways to seek support and healing:
- Reach out to support groups or online communities for survivors of gaslighting
- Consider therapy or counseling to work through the emotional trauma
- Practice self-care and engage in activities that bring you joy and relaxation
- Set boundaries with the gaslighter and limit contact if necessary
- Focus on rebuilding your self-esteem and rediscovering your strengths
Embrace the support system of your choice, stick to boundaries, and discover passions old and new. This path to self-actualization will enable you to leave gaslighters holding their torch while you - enjoy basking in the glow of the self-worth we all knew you had.
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