How Expectations and Reality Stack Up
Remember that picturesque, easy-to-follow, step-by-step guide to a successful life I supplied the other day? The whole: ‘attend a top college, land the perfect job, meet your soulmate, and accomplish the rest of the shebang together’... Yeah, that’s the one!
Welp, I’m sorry to be a ‘bearer of bad news’, but you may as well run (don’t walk) to the nearest shredder now. Then simply dump the fragments into a compost pile — because it’s far more useful for growing fresh veggies or herbs than it will ever be when navigating the journey we call life. Please keep in mind that only psychos hate basil. It may save your hide someday.
Unfortunately (or fortunately), reality doesn’t always go according to plan (or measure up to our expectations.) We can be ticking all the boxes and moving full speed ahead with no red flags or menty b’s in sight. Then, feel as if we’ve been tackled head-on by the NFL linebacker (of your choice.) When we had our course locked onto the calming embrace of a sunset breeze — lost in lust, somewhere on a beach in the Caribbean.
Forget about that well-deserved, tranquil 7-day stay at an adults-only resort... 5-nights in a Great Wolf Lodge Waterpark should shake out just as “swimmingly,” right?
It’s okay. You are more than welcome to laugh at me, too.
False Advertising
While the dreamy beach getaway we’d envisioned didn’t come to fruition (thank goodness for travel insurance), a few valuable life lessons were learned. The most notable being: don’t purchase vacations from people out of the trunk of their cars in Walmart parking lots. Even when a long-time Facebook friend refers them to you, they agree to meet up during the day and use semi-gloss brochures with non-watermarked photos. *Face Palm*
Travel insurance policies can surely save the day in terms of getting your hard-earned money back in instances of fraud. I’d highly recommend it. 10/10. The elders still aren’t offering policies that guarantee their method to be foolproof when it comes to return on investment on the happiness scale (a little sus, if you ask me.) However, a large majority are still hoping to complete it. *On time.*
I stand firm by the argument that most things worth having in life aren’t easy to come by. But life stays life-ing and can’t seem to stop throwing heavy-duty curveballs our way. Which reminds me: Hey Siri, add “thriving, not just surviving” to my vision board for 2024.”
~Manifesting~ is always better than simply doing nothing.
Inflation, ‘The Great One’
Congrats on setting up an HYSA, opting to deposit a portion of your checks into a 401K, and deciding to add a bit of Amazon to that new stock portfolio. The highway to financial freedom looks bright! (especially after Cousin Nikki teaches you how to sell digital marketing courses — what could be better than passive income?)
Well, literally anything other than a financial crisis. Ahhhh, good ole’ 2008. I remember it like it was only 16 years ago….or perhaps you enjoy the spicy side of life. There is nothing quite like a raving pandemic to get people fired up!
After all, working from home is pretty great! (It’s not like it could lead to massive layoffs, flip reality upside down for society, tank education levels, and skyrocket inflation rates) or some nonsense like that.
Dating & Mating (A Trashy Reality TV Dating Show — Coming to Hulu Soon!)
We now live in a world filled with apps, websites, and professional matchmakers — all cueing up to help unite ‘twin flames’. By committing a meager 6 hours a day to swiping right, left, and center, your perfect match will rise up from the darkest depths of the online dating pool at just the right moment. Ready to wear their heart on a barren sleeve (unlike the last 500 guys), fully equipped with emotional stability, humor and/or wit, and a stable income. Is that too much to ask for? Doth’ think not.
I didn’t even mention looks in the qualifications segment, although a 6/10 or above would be preferred. But one need not forget about that whole ‘biological ticking clock’ we have to carry around 24/7/365. If we did, everyone would have to constantly remind us! (which would just be downright silly.)
As women, we are left standing at a crossroads in life: whether to pursue an ambitious career, become a globetrotter, or have a baby and start a family. Perhaps some or all of the above are right for you. How do I know? Which order is best? Spoiler Alert: It’s the Dealer’s Choice. But mind you, that bomb is still ‘hot’. For now.
Wait, this isn’t like HGTV’s ‘House Hunters' at all…
Once upon a time, way back in the 1970s, there were no AirBnBs or wildfires of government-funded re-urbanization projects driving citizens away from their hometowns due to price gauging. People could actually afford to purchase a home of their very own.
One didn’t need to have nepo-baby privilege, sell organs on the black market, or take in (more than sketchy) roommates from Facebook Marketplace either. Prioritizing location, size, and even design styles of homes while hunting for your ideal landing spot was all the rage. The looming fear of ending up homeless while trying to find a place to nest due to a lack of availability and price points was nowhere to be found—giving alllll the quaint and cozy vibes investing in a property of your dreams should. Oh, what a time to be alive!
Who ordered the Quarter-Mid Life Crisis with pickle chips?
It’s never too early (in the day or in life) to have a panic attack or take a quick trip down Delulu Lane. What are you waiting for? Last time I checked, psychiatrists don’t run semi-annual clearance sales.
Nothing screams I’ve finally got my act together, Mom! The way changing your entire life plan every 3–5 years can. Heck! Buy a sports car, move to a foreign country while unemployed, or opt to marry a stranger you’ve only ever spoken to online — live a little (or a lot), and don’t forget to put all of your life savings into NFTs (I promise crypto is not a scam.)
Live, Laugh, Love, or Hate it Here
When the 6-month itch creeps up, she will have GF lemon bars, fresh sheets (on your bunk bed), and a new box of Pinot Grigio at the ready. It’s almost your 26th birthday, after all. There is nothing quite like setting your strong, independent bird free from the nest to have them “swoop” back in to live with you again every once in a while. Generation Snowflake always feels right at home—literally, at home.
It’s a cruel world out there, and trying to make a living as a social media influencer who focuses on post-modern minimalist makeup looks is hard. We know. Burnout is real, student loans are practically a life sentence, and healthcare is suboptimal (aka free unlimited treatment under Medicaid) without being on your parent's plan. Life may look dreary sometimes. But have hope; all is not lost.
Please rest assured, knowing that completing the “10 Steps to Achieving Greatness” in their set order within the pre-determined timeframes, or even attempting to do so at all, is completely optional and by no means dictates your ability to achieve success.
You were great before I even mentioned them, and you always will be.
By realizing there is no such thing as perfection, we can make the most of the time we have, in whatever way means most to us.
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