My Husband went to Casa Amore and came back single
What can I say about reality TV dating shows? To be honest, it completely depends on how much time we have. For those who still believe in the concepts of fairytale romances, chivalry, and courtship, these cutthroat “social experiments” certainly aren’t for you.
However, if mindlessly binge-watching beautiful people with overly done spray tans, minimal substance, an insatiable passion for working out, and eating copious amounts of avocado toast — who are willing to betray one another for their 15 minutes of fame and the shot at a luxury prize — piques your interest, you better start planning a viewing party right now, sister.
Because love is both “in” and “on” the air this (and every other) season, these bombshells are a HOT new addition to the streaming network line-up. So, grab a lush treat, pour yourself a glass or three of champs (we know they’ll be having plenty), and enjoy grilling your own man a “wee bit,” babes. It’s all in good fun, *sort of*.
Because Dating isn’t Already Hard Enough
If standing on the tri-fold staircase from hell (excuse, from our days in the high-school show choir that I will cherish forever *sweating emoji*) alongside 25 other women, desperately pining for a rose from the same slightly above-par man is your thing — need not fret. There are only about 30 seasons of this exact same storyline, with the only difference being the cast.
In each variation, a new incel enters the mansion in hopes of finding the unicorn trophy wife of his dreams. Beauty, brains, and personality — the standard “total package.” The girls arrive in droves of limos, hoping to impress their future Mr. Right (now), which will fare well or be a total flop. Either way, bonus points for trying (at least from the viewer’s perspective on social media).
They segway into a cocktail party where he opens with a short intro, pretends to be genuine, and proclaims he wants to get married (along with whatever other BS producers think women want to hear). Shortly after, we see the girls “come to life” in cut-away scenes, small group interactions, and attempts to woo him.
If they act timid, *yawn* they get kicked off immediately. If a girl is quasi-normal but has a personality, they can stay for a while. Butttt if they act like a total psychopath, they will be there for at least a few episodes to stir the pot. At the end of the day, reality TV dating shows have absolutely nothing to do with helping people find love.
The main goal for creators and networks is to create entertaining TV that attracts and retains the most viewers. If they are successful, they can sign better product and brand deals within programs, sell the limited ad space available on streaming networks at astronomical prices, and begin to push narratives within show storylines without viewers even noticing.
Simply because we (the sheeple) are under the impression that gorging sleazy reality TV is harmless (to everyone but the contestant’s egos).
Cringe for the Camera
Finding love in the "normal" world is like finding a needle in a haystack — but finding love on a reality dating show is like finding "the right" needle in a haystack (on the 20th story of a building that’s been set on fire while the world watches.)
We are all rooting for you, but (Spoiler Alert: the likelihood that you will find each other or last is slim next to none.) However, the team’s heroic attempt to save the lassies from doom in the most recent challenge shows cunning, bravery, and plenty of eight packs we’d love to fry eggs on. *Swoon x 5 million*
Resulting in brand ambassador deals with Weight Loss Tea companies, skyrocketing IG follower counts, booking several small-time modeling gigs, and keeping the DMs of cast members packed to the brim with backup options (ya know, just in case.) If you make a big enough splash, many often star in spin-off programs or even land their own show. All while the votes are still out (and I may or definitely may — love that for us).
No one goes on a dating show with bad intentions (that’d just be immoral.) However, getting 15 minutes of fame, a luxury vacation, becoming a D-list celeb, and having the ability to get free bottle service at the nightclub of your choice are pretty nice trade-offs considering the odds of winning or finding true love are about as high as me finishing this bowl of bone broth with a fork.
Hook, Line, and Sinker
Wait, are you saying the shows don’t even care about the contestants? Or that the contestants don’t even care about each other?!?! That’s a load of malarky, ma'am.
Woah nelly. Let’s not put the cart before the wagon now, folks. No one is saying that. Why else would they offer participants extravagant prizes?
While I’m of the strong opinion that a small part of everyone likes winning (whether or not you’ll ever admit it is a whole story), large sums of cash, the allure of a luxury getaway, or the total rock of an engagement ring (which can easily be resold or pawned) are surefire ways to get and keep cast members fired up about being on the show—when jumping ship looks like the best option to take.
After all, you need a partner to win a reality dating TV show game, and pretending to like someone can be harder than it looks. Trust me, folks. I’ve met some of your significant others (and I’m still waiting on a few cruises to the Amalfi Coast that I rightfully deserve). *Sigh*.
If one can’t muster up some (real or fake) love, simply grab lust by the horns for a bit and secure that bag, bay-bee!
One for the Scrapbook
Ahhh, so what’s your type? Well, I don’t really have one. Personality is huge for me. They’ve got to be loyal, trustworthy, funny, have good banter (laugh at my jokes), have nice chats (let me talk about myself in perpetuity without getting upset), and be ‘proper fit’ (aka look like a supermodel). WOW, you are ticking all the boxes for me too…
I (and surely most viewers) are at the point where hearing how this conversation plays out is just as enjoyable as the constant stream of overly-hyped ads about it being the “most dramatic season yet.” Hence, every dating show features challenges and games — because nothing says “I’m falling for you” quite like seeing which couple can locate a set of honeymoon room keys baked into a batch of wedding cakes (using only their mouths while dressed in lingerie versions of wedding attire.) Amirite? BTW. Hi, Grandma Sue!
When the sun goes down, it’s as if an alarm goes off in the reality TV dating world and everyone just “knows” to change into party attire. The ladies hustle to go full-glam, pump up the singular girl they like (but would still push off a cliff to win—all is fair in love on TV), and start strutting down the road to Tipsy City.
Cue slow-mo dance scenes to EDM, arguing over who chats with who, how long they interact, and if someone gets a kiss. Bonus points: if an episode ends with a roseless, heartbroken woman crying in the backseat of a limo or a “Pack of Bros” fist-bumping to melodramatic music about being mates for life next to a firepit.
Power to the People
Why ask just your girl pack (or worse, family... *cold shivers*) for their thoughts on Beau 2.0 when the whole world can weigh in?
Heck, no one knows “you” better than the 750,000+ people who have tuned in for the past 12 weeks. Superfans created a hashtag, TikTok vlog, and Pinterest board dedicated to your aesthetic — as they cling to every accidental catchphrase, action, and outfit featured. While they soak up your present, they dig up ghosts from your past and get excited to celebrate your eternal happiness (or burn down any chance you may have had at it.)
By the end of a series, viewers might be even more like you than you.
So, why shouldn’t they have a say in who ends up together on dating shows? Some argue that it is just to cause drama, but it is so much more than that. When viewers feel valued, they will continue to tune in, spread the word (and argue about it) on social media, keep voting each week, and potentially realize that sometimes voting isn’t always the best system (especially when it comes to love — potentially.)
As the matches we hoped for might not come together, perfect ones may split up, or someone critical in a series may be sent home. Perhaps we should leave finding love up to the parties involved and just watch after all….or not.
Do You Believe in Life After Love?
Oops, I totally meant to say love after a reality dating show. (Sorry, Cher!) It’s uncanny how close the odds of a couple staying together after production ends and me winning the Powerball are. In part because there are only a few couples who "cross the finish line together" or seem genuinely interested in each other outside of winning the game.
The shows “shelter” couples from navigating everyday life together but are being tossed back into the deep end of society head-first, with the pressure of being “Blue Check Mark” famous. You may as well walk around in a t-shirt that says: “Yes, I was The Bachelor. Did you even watch the After the Rose Ceremony? She broke up with me... on live-streaming TV, ma’am.”
A few matches have stood the test of time (married with kids, purchased homes, the whole 9 yards) but that is far from the norm. However, it won’t stop me from tuning into these cringe-worthy programs anytime soon. Whether the cast has genuine intentions, the producers induce hysterics, or their fathers’ have to “die” from second-hand embarrassment at work — start preparing your husband to "hate-watch," make a few Cheese Toasties, and get your Epi-pens ready, ladies.
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